If I Were Your Girlfriend
by storyteller73
Summary: Hotch and Morgan talked about his pending divorce during which they share an intimate moment.  When invisible barriers crumble Hotch must make a decision sooner rather than later.


**"**No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible." George Chakiris

Hotch wasn't sure he'd made the right choice coming here but he needed to talk to someone. He knew what he needed to hear and this was the one person he knew would say it.

He rang the door bell and within seconds the door opened.

"Hey Morgan, hope you don't mind that I stopped by unannounced?"

"No, I don't mind."

"Good, can I come in then?"

Morgan stepped back and allowed him to enter. "This must be real important if you showed up like this. You know, I could have been busy."

Hotch just stared at him for a moment before making himself comfortable on the couch.

Morgan sighed as he closed the door. "This may come as a shock to you, but I do have other friends and a life  
>outside of our friendship."<p>

"Should I leave you to them?" Hotch asked, sarcasm dripping from his words.

Morgan just rolled his eyes as he moved to the fridge and got them something to drink. What was there to say? His relationship with Hotch had grown deeper and stronger over the last year; they had gotten to know each other more after Chicago. Learned they had more in common than differences.

He passed Hotch a drink and sat down in the chair opposite him and observed him for a while before he spoke.

"Want to tell me what's going on in that head of yours?"

"Haley asked for a divorce."

"You can't be surprised."

"Surprised no, hurt yes."

That Bitch! Morgan was furious. Couldn't she see what she was doing to this man, or did she just not care? He had listened to Hotch lament the state of his marriage for months now. He had told Hotch that he would have to make a decision sooner or later, whether he continued on with the marriage or went their separate ways. Looked like Haley had made the decision for both;as usual it was all about her and what she wanted.

"Did you agree to it?"

"Do I have a choice? You know how-"

Morgan stood up and walked to the kitchen. He was not in the mood to hear excuses. He was really sick and tired  
>of listening to Hotch defend a wife and marriage that was long pass their expiration date. It was time he told<br>Hotch what he thought and how he felt about this situation.

"You should have left her ass a long time ago, you know that right."

"Morgan!"

"Don't Morgan me."

"You've done nothing this past year but make excuses for her attitude."

"No, I took my vows serious."

"Yeah right, I forgot you're a traditionalist."

Haley had been Hotch's high school sweet heart. They had married sometime during their college years and seemed headed for happy ever after. That was until he switched from the assistant prosecutor's office to the BAU.

"I loved her and still do."

"What does love have to do with it? She sure as hell didn't love you, at least not the way you loved her.Damn it Hotch, you're not happy with her. She sure as hell isn't happy with you. Just stop torturing yourself, I can't stand it."

"I'm sorry. It wasn't fair that I dumped all my problems on you like that."

"No it wasn't."

"Morgan—"

"Hotch you deserved so much more. Someone who loved you, what I would have given to have you, if I was your-"

He already knew what Morgan wanted to say. Had noticed the change in the other man's feelings, knew that Morgan held back because of his marriage. Invisible barriers were being torn. Hotch really didn't care anymore. "What would you do?"

"I'd never let you go. I'd support you wholeheartedly, I wouldn't stress you out. I'd love you unconditionally, but you're not mine and no amount of wishing is going to make you mine either." Morgan was babbling and before he had finished he was being kissed deeply.

To say Morgan was shocked would have been understatement of the year. He never stopped the kiss, just returned it with as much passion as he could. After all it's not every day a fantasy became reality.

When the kiss ended they both stood and stared at each other. Silent communication passed between them that spoke of longing, love, passion and hopefully a future.

"I should go. See you at the office."

His heart pounded in his chest as he watched Hotch leave. Damn he was stupid, there was no other explanation for what happened between them. He pressed his back to the door and squeezed his eyes shut. He pushed off from the door, walked into his bedroom and dropped on his bed muttering to himself. "Damn, damn, damn, damn."

When weeks went by and Hotch hadn't stopped by as usual, Morgan became convinced that it was his fault. He should never have allowed that kiss to happen. He was mad at himself and gave himself a verbal bashing. "Damn it Morgan, why'd you open your big mouth? Now he thinks you don't care, way to go."

"Then you kissed him. He probable thinks you don't respect him."

"Shit! What am I going to do now?"

When Hotch left Morgan's place he felt light headed, he hadn't worked through anything. He knew Morgan was right. There was no sense in prolonging the inevitable.

Weeks later and he was a divorced man, single for the first time in his adult life. The divorce had been simple  
>and uneventful, with no children in the marriage, the assets were divided, documents signed and they went their separate ways.<p>

The last thing he wanted was to give Morgan false hope, so he had decided to put his house in order before he  
>returned to Morgan's place.<p>

The skies turned dark, and it rained as he stood outside Morgan's door. He had never been that nervous before, but it was different. He was a free man, what he wanted was beyond the door and all he had to do was reach opened the door just then, dressed in black slacks and dark blue buttoned-down shirt, keys in his hand and a confused look on his face.

"Aaron, what the… I wasn't expecting-"

"I meant to call-" Hotch started but cut himself off at the look on Morgan's face.

"No, you didn't." Morgan shook his head but gave a smile nonetheless.

He stepped back, allowed Hotch entrance, shook his head and closed the door behind them. He followed Hotch into the room and sat beside him on the couch.

"Long time no see."

"Been busy—"

"Gathered that much by your absence**.**"

"I brought take out and wine."

"I see that. Want to tell me what's going on?"

"I got divorced, leased an apartment and bought us dinner."

"Happy much?"

"Almost –"

"Why almost?"

"I'm missing something important."

"Really, what would that be?"

"You."

"I see."

Morgan got up, walked a few paces then turned to face the older man. He was pissed. He thought himself justified,  
>since Hotch completely blanked him for more than a month, and now expected him to just welcome him with open arms.<p>

Hotch watched him carefully, saw the storm pass over his features and knew he was going to be ripped a new one. He could say he blamed Morgan for being angry, after all he had shut the other man other completely and deserved whatever the younger man threw at him.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because you'd be worried and I needed you focused on the job."

"Well it didn't work, I was worried about you."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. Just that I would have been there for you if I had known."

"I knew that, but I wanted to keep that part of my life separated from this."

"Sometimes I don't get you but I understand why you did it. Next time let me decide okay."

"I'll try to remember."

Morgan returned to the couch, took the older man's hands and interlaced their fingers, desperate to convey what he felt, what he hoped would transpire between them.

Hotch watched as he struggled to verbalize thoughts and feelings locked away for so long. Knew that he too had to do the same and the best way was to meet the younger man halfway.

"Morgan, would it be okay if I kissed you now?"

"It would, not that you had to ask."

He extracted a hand from Morgan's grip, placed it on the back of the younger man's neck and drew him closer. As their lips met their bodies relaxed, the world forgotten and time stood still. There was no need for self restraint, just a need to feel, explore and enjoy that which was craved but off limits.


End file.
